On Christmas day 2008, children all over the world were waking up early to see what Santa had left for them under their Christmas trees. The parents of these hideous, greedy, and totally dependent children most likely watched television and their spawn violently ripped wrapping paper to uncover new toys and electronic devices that they would undoubtedly break or lose within the week. Parents in California were met with news reports of a massacre that had taken place in the town of Covina, CA. Throughout the day, the death toll would rise, the details of the attack would come to light, and the world would find out that Santa Clause had shot people, he'd set a home ablaze with a flamethrower that he'd made himself, and that in the end, Santa turned the gun on himself.
In 1927, just a few days before Christmas, Santa Claus held up a bank in Cisco, Texas. After several shootouts with police as well as with hundreds of Texas citizens with poor aim, the largest manhunt in Texas history took place. Within a week, Santa and his accomplices were tracked down. Before the legal system managed to dispense justice though, over 1000 Texans took matters into their own hands.